I received and e-mail, from my mother of all people, with the following text:
In case things get a little tough during the next few months we in
LOUISIANA, TEXAS , OKLAHOMA , & ARKANSAS have a plan.
Maybe you don't know it, but LOUISIANA , TEXAS , OKLAHOMA , &
ARKANSAS HAVE legal right to secede from the Union . (Reference the
Texas/LOUISIANA-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.)
US TEXOKISIANSAS love y'all Americans, but we'll probably have to take action since Barack Obama won the election and is now the President of the
U.S.A. We'll miss ya'll though.
Here is what can happen:
1. Barack Hussein Obama, after becoming the President of the United
States , begins to try and create a socialist country, then Texas ,
LOUISIANA , ARKANSAS , & OKLAHOMA announces that it is going to secede fromthe Union .
2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of
TEXOKISIANSAS . You might think that he doesn't talk too pretty, but we
haven't had another terrorist attack and the economy was fine until theeffects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to
roost.
So what does TEXOKISIANSAS have to do to survive as a Republic?
1. NASA is just south of Houston , Texas . We will control the space
industry.
2. We refine over 90% of the gasoline in the United States .
3. Defense Industry--we have over 65% of it. The term "Don't mess
with THE SOUTH," will take on a whole new meaning.
4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of TEXOKISIANSAS
will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Gee, wedon't know. Why not ask Obama?
5. Natural Gas - again, we have all we need and it's too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will just have to figure out away to keep them warm...
6. Computer Industry - we lead the nation in producing computer chips
and communications equipment - small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell
Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD,
Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Misconduct, Dallas Semiconductor, Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.
7. Medical Care - We have the research centers for cancer research,
the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as
other large health centers.
8. We have enough colleges to keep educating and making smarter
citizens: UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS-AUSTIN, UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS-SAN ANTONIO, Texas A&M-COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS A&M-SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS A&M CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS TECH UNIVERSITY, UNIVERSITY OF
OKLAHOMA , OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY, UNIVERSITY OF LOUISIANA-LAFAYETTE, UNIVERSITY OF LOUISIANA-MONORE, UNIVERSITY OFARKANSAS , LOUISIANA STATE UNIVERSITY , ARKANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY. UNIVERSITY of NEW ORLEANS .
9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force and it isn't
restricted by a bunch of unions. Here in TEXOKISIANSAS, we are a Right to Work State and, therefore, it's every man and woman for themselves. We just go out and get the job done.. And if we don't like the way one company
operates, we get a job somewhere else.
10. We have essential control of the paper, plastics, and insuranceindustries, etc.
11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the TEXOKISIANSAS National
Guard, the TEXOKISIANSAS Air National Guard, and several military bases. We
don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six riflesand a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers.
12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. We don't need any food.
13. FIVE of the ten largest cities in the United States , and THIRTY TWO of the 100 largest cities in the United States are located inTEXOKISIANSAS. And TEXOKISIANSAS also has more land than California , New York , New Jersey , Connecticut , Delaware , Hawaii , Massachusetts , Maryland ,
Rhode Island , and Vermont combined.
14. Trade: FIVE of the ten largest ports in the United States are located in TEXOKISIANSAS.
15. We also manufacture cars down here, but we don't need to. You see, nothing rusts in TEXOKISIANSAS so our vehicles stay beautiful and run well for decades.
This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of
TEXIOKSIANSAS in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and
don't have.
Now to the rest of you folks in the United States under President Obama:
Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications.
You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Obama has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat from Global Warming.
In other words, the rest of ya'll in the USA are screwed!
Signed, The People of TEXOKISIANSAS
P.S. This is not a threatening letter - just a note to give you something to think about!
Sleep well tonight 'cause the eyes of TEXOKISIANSAS are upon YOU!!
Now, I don't have the time, or the inclination, to go through all of these idiotic points, but here are a few of the highlights:
Maybe you don't know it, but LOUISIANA , TEXAS , OKLAHOMA , &
ARKANSAS HAVE legal right to secede from the Union . (Reference the
Texas/LOUISIANA-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.)
um, no. There is no such treaty. Seriously, do just a little bit of research before you write this shit. Texas joined the union with the Texas Annexation Treaty of 1845, formally becoming a state on December 29, 1845. Louisiana became a state on April 30, 1812. Oklahoma, on November 16, 1907. Arkansas on June 15, 1836. Oh, and there's no provision in the 1845 treaty allowing Texas to secede at will, it just isn't there. You guys can split into four more states if you want, for a total of five, but that would mean you'd have to give up some of that precious Texas identity, wouldn't it? And they'd be little, bitty, tiny, "normal" size states, wouldn't they? And...well, then what would you have left?
1. Barack Hussein Obama, after becoming the President of the United
States , begins to try and create a socialist country, then Texas ,
LOUISIANA , ARKANSAS , & OKLAHOMA announces that it is going to secede from the Union .
What is it that's so scary to you about a black man being president? And admit it, that's what this crap is about. You birthers and gun-nuts and Glen Beck quoting idiots are just scared of the fact that a black man is in office. What? Are you afraid that, like your women, once the country goes black, it'll never go back?* Is this really a penis size thing?
*(a thousand apologies for this joke, but really, what's more offensive here?)
2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of
TEXOKISIANSAS . You might think that he doesn't talk too pretty, but we
haven't had another terrorist attack and the economy was fine until the effects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to
roost.
In fairness, I think you should give Bill Clinton a shot at the presidency as well; after all, he's from Arkansas and that's a part of your little group, isn't it? And who would want to be president more?
Let's compare. There was also not a (foreign based) terrorist attack on the US during Clinton administration since the 1993 World Trade Center bombings. Just that wacko right-wing domestic terrorist down in Oklahoma City (and before you go off the handle about this, remember, Bush also had a little domestic anthrax terrorism. McVeigh was executed for his crimes under the Clinton administration. Where's Bush's guy? Oh, that's right...).
So, both records being equal on protecting the country from outside attack, maybe we should go by body count? Let's see, the 1993 attack killed 6 people. How about under Bush? Oh, about 2,974 (give or take the couple of dozen still listed as missing.) Hmmm...
I suppose we could look at other things, like whether or not the country was "protected" without sacrificing Constitutionally guaranteed rights or freedoms, or without attacking a sovereign nation under made-up pretenses (and killing, btw, between 93,000 and 102,000 civilians, but who's counting?), or without indefinitely jailing people without charge, or...oh, never mind.
You want Bush, you can have him.
1. NASA is just south of Houston , Texas . We will control the space
industry.
Actually, NASA is headquartered in Washington, DC. True, the Johnson Space Center is in Houston, but you're forgetting:
the Ames Research Center in CA
Dryden Flight Research Center at Edwards AFB
Glen Research Center in OH
Goddard Space Flight Center in MD
the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in CA
the Kennedy Space Center, FL (you know, where they launch the little rockets?)
Langley Research Center, VA
Marshall Space Flight Center, AL
Wallops Flight Facility, VA
I somehow doubt you guys will control space.
4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of TEXOKISIANSAS
will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Gee, we don't know. Why not ask Obama?
and
5. Natural Gas - again, we have all we need and it's too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will just have to figure out a way to keep them warm...
Yes, and while I'm sure, based on the validity of the other claims made here, that this 300 year figure is wrong, you're more than welcome to cling to all of the 19th century technology you want while the rest of the planet recognize the need for the development of sustainable and clean energy. Just imagine how long all of that gas of yours would last if you didn't all insist on driving around in your giant F-350 penis extensions?
9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force and it isn't
restricted by a bunch of unions. Here in TEXOKISIANSAS, we are a Right to Work State and, therefore, it's every man and woman for themselves. We just go out and get the job done.. And if we don't like the way one company
operates, we get a job somewhere else.
You also have median incomes lower than the national average ($50,740)
Texas = $48,300 (28th nationally)
Oklahoma = $41,567 (44th)
Louisiana = $40,926 (46th)
Arkansas = $38,134 (49th)
and a high percentage of your population living below the poverty line
Louisiana 19.4% (2nd highest in the nation)
Arkansas 17.9 % (5th)
Texas 16.6% (8th)
Oklahoma 15.3% (11th)
Damnit, Oklahoma, you guys were almost all top ten there!
Uninsured population rates:
Texas 28%
Oklahoma 22%
Arkansas 20%
Louisiana 22%
Ya'll treat your people real well, don't ya?
11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the TEXOKISIANSAS National
Guard, the TEXOKISIANSAS Air National Guard, and several military bases. We
don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers.
The National Guard of the United States, while stationed in the various states and under the command of the state governors, is a reserve military force composed of militia members or units under federally recognized active or inactive armed force service for the United States. The Militia Act of 1903 organized the various state militias into the National Guard system. Army National Guard troups are trained and equipped by the United States Army, Air National Guard, by the United States Air Force. As members of said forces, all servicemen take an oath of service pledging to defend and protect the Constitution of the United States of America from all enemies, foreign domestic. That last bit there would include traitors and secessionists, by the way.
12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. We don't need any food.
Wow, you can cook. That's a good life skill to have as a fledgling nation. Bravo.
13. FIVE of the ten largest cities in the United States , and THIRTY TWO of the 100 largest cities in the United States are located in TEXOKISIANSAS. And TEXOKISIANSAS also has more land than California , New York , New Jersey , Connecticut , Delaware , Hawaii , Massachusetts , Maryland ,
Rhode Island , and Vermont combined.
Hey, but when you add in the other 36 states (what, can't count them all up?), I think we got you beat.
Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
I think I'm okay with this. Besides, what are you going to do, hoard all of your refined petroleum? I don't think so, you'll sell it, that's the only way it's valuable. And if you won't sell to the US, which I doubt, the shit you do sell will free up other sellers for the US to buy from. A little basic, I know, and there are lot's of other factors at play here, but really, this is just stupid. Besides, it wouldn't kill some of you lard-asses down there to get out of your trucks and get a little exercise.
Okay, that's enough. I'm tired.
